Understanding your inner “Grinch”! It’s ok if you don’t love the holidays!

Although the holiday season can be a time of joy, connection and beauty, it can also be a time of stress, loneliness and grief. 

I’d like to offer a few suggestions that I hope will be helpful:

As a licensed clinical psychologist and trauma specialist for almost 25 years, I understand very well that the holidays can be very challenging. Holiday music playing in stores, houses lit up with Christmas lights, holiday parties and events can bring up feelings of loneliness, disconnection, anger and grief.  

If you are someone who grew up in a family where abuse, neglect, addiction and/or mental illness were present, you know that the holiday season can be a very challenging time. Memories of past trauma, addiction, food-related issues, mental health struggles and/or strained family interactions are common. 

The holidays can also be very difficult if you have experienced a loss such as a divorce, the death of someone close to you, infertility, etc… For this reason, I wanted to write and say that you are not alone. Many people struggle with the holidays and try to move through them using the only survival strategies they have. Sometimes, this can look like misusing drugs, alcohol and food, overworking, staying busy, disconnecting and isolating.

1. Be gentle with yourself. Remind yourself that the holidays are stressful and that many don’t share that they are having a hard time. You are not alone and there is nothing wrong with you. Don’t judge or criticize the feelings you are having. 

2. Create a balance between what is best for you and what others want and expect of you during the holidays. Take a breath and check in with yourself. Listen to your body and see what feels most right for you. 

3. Remind yourself that you have choices. Just because you are invited to a holiday party or your family wants you to spend the holiday with them doesn’t mean that you have to say yes. 

4. Consider moderation. Can you go for shorter periods of time? Can you say yes to one event and no to another? If excessive drinking is likely to be present, can you arrive at the start of the event and leave early?

5. Consider driving yourself to holiday gatherings. This allows you to be in control of how long you stay and can help with keeping your own substance use in check. 

6. Speaking of alcohol, monitor your own use of alcohol, food and other substances. Stress, intense emotions and the expectation to drink and eat more during the holiday season can lead to overuse of alcohol, drugs and food. The misuse of substances and food can greatly impact your ability to use healthy coping strategies.

7. Get support and reach out. The holidays can feel incredibly lonely. Don’t go through them alone. Share your feelings with those who can listen and support you. You may be surprised that they are also feeling a similar way.

8. Attend a support group. Here at Lifestream, Patrice Bathon is offering a free seminar on coping with grief through the holidays. For more information, click the button below. 

9. Finally, do something loving and nurturing for yourself. You might get a massage or some other form of bodywork. You may reach out to one of our Lifestream therapists and begin some healing, therapeutic work that is focused on you. You may also do something simple like listening to music you like, soaking in a tub, lighting candles or just slowing down and giving yourself permission to rest. Doing something kind and nourishing for yourself can make all the difference as you move through the holiday season. 

Remember that whatever you feel during this time is ok and welcomed. You don’t have to go through the holiday season alone. Please reach out to us at Lifestream if you need more support.

Warmly,

Rebecca Ehrke, Psy.D., SEP, Certified EMDR Therapist

Practice Owner of Lifestream Integrative Healing Center